Discouraged and doubting

I am so discouraged today. I am tired, emotional, and just plain discouraged. It seems I am getting to the bottom of my lists for face to face appointments. I really wanted to have 10 a week and feel like I am working as hard at fundraising as I know how. But I am running out of friendly people to call.

I cut my plans tonight short so that I could get home and make phone calls. You see as of today I didn't have any Lincoln appointments planned and I am going to Lincoln Wed-Sun/ Monday of next week. It seems a lot of people I have called are unable to support me or are not home or don't know who I am. It is so sad to me that I have gone to Trinity (my church in Lincoln) for four years and still know very few people. I have tried to be involved to varying degrees the entire time I have been there but the further I got involved in Navs the less involved I was able to be at Trinity. So I have lost contact over the years. I don't know what was so hard for me tonight. What was missing I think was that inerrant support in me. The people I have been calling and visiting in Omaha know me and really believe in me and it felt like the people I called tonight thought of me as just another missionary from their church asking them for money they dont have. And actually the thing I was asked the most tonight was, oh yeah we got your letter did you just get back from somewhere?

Ick! There is SO far to go. SO much money that still has to come in and so little time (4 weeks). I am so thankful for all that have supported me but I can't help but wonder if their support is misplaced and that God will not supply and I will have to admit in shame that I shouldn't be in full time ministry which is one of my life dreams come true.

Well, those are my rantings for the evening. If you can see what to pray for in there please do.:)