Update

I admit my last post was strange and short. I took that test and it was alright. Nothing special but if I am going to spend my time on it than man I might as well let you know about it.:)

I went to Lincoln today and enjoyed the love and fellowship of dear friends. What a blessing it is to be with people who know me and love me and love and have so obviously been with Jesus. It is SO neat.

On another note, I want to spew what is going on inside of me onto this post but I am not sure that I can. A lot of it is a raging battle against worry. 10 days until the goal campus date. Wow. I can do the math and realize that all I need is 36 people to give 25 dollars a month or 18 to give 50 and that makes it seem much much closer but honestly looking at the numbers today was a bit depressing. I have gotten less than 10% this week.

The rest is a general disillusionment with our society. How I long to be with Christ. I am really disappointed with people's follow through. And a little disillusioned that people don't seemingly believe in the gospel going out this way more than they are showing. Maybe I am taking the fact that people do not return my phone calls and that rarely anyone gives without more than one phone call and a personal visit from me way to seriously. But I think that says something. It says something about our hearts, our lives, our attitudes towards giving. And honestly it says something disheartening. And not just because it is my life. But because this is God's business of getting the gospel out and I know 38 people who are willing to give their lives (they are ALL college educated) to make sure that it gets out and they may not be the most effective (they may not get to campus in time for training and meeting new people) because people won't give. No plan of God's can be thwarted but I think that people have sinned in not giving (not everyone) and if we had a more generous, sacrificial attitude that we would all be funded.Honestly, this is more about the others than about myself. I am relatively encouraged, not there and need to be soon, but encouraged. It is really sad.

Does my rant make sense? I may write more when I have processed more.:)

Interesting article

Hey, I read this article in Boundless the other day and I don't know what to think. I think that the author made some interesting points but all in all I don't know if I agree with it. Check it out:
http://www.boundless.org/features/a0000923.html

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (68%) moderately high which suggests you are talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate but possibly not very internally grounded. Friendliness (68%) moderately high which suggests you are good natured, trusting, and helpful but possibly too agreeable Orderliness (64%) moderately high which suggests you are organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious but possibly not very spontaneous and fun. Emotional Stability (40%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous. Openmindedness (44%) moderately low which suggests you tend to be closeminded, uncreative, and conventional.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

American Idol and my life

So, what do American Idol and my life have in common you may ask? Sadly, absolutely NOTHING!  I went  to look at the idol website today to check out when and where auditions for next season are and when and where the concert tour is. Well, check this out: The concert is Aug 7 at 7 p.m. in Omaha. TRANSLATION: I could GO!  Although it is 3 days before I report for EDGE corps. If God brings the funds in before then, you better watch out. Anybody want to go?

As for the auditions the nearest ones are in St. Louis Missouri (which is a short 8 hour drive from Omaha).  But these are on August 8. TRANSLATION:  Same story except not as optimistic. I need to be faithful to fundraising and not take a 3 day haitus to pursue childhood dreams.  So poo!

In other American Idol news, one of the local t.v. stations hosted a "Heartland Idol" audition at the mall 15 minutes from my house a couple of weeks ago. It was a Wed night and I was free but I couldn't bring myself to go. What if I actually made it somewhere? I couldn't do it.  How sad it is to be old and have responsibilities.

Well, other than that I have just not felt well today at all. I am going to go make myself call people but man do a feel icky.:(

Please do not think differently of me for this

This is a very strange article I read on MSN today.  I thought you may be entertained. It is entitled "Teens dangle from meat hooks."
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5458599/

Updates on the site

Check out the updated links on the side. I am SO excited that I figured out the code all by myself.

Ever noticed the banners

Have you ever noticed the banners at the top of my blog?  They are very interesting. For about the past week they have referred to the Sabbath and being Jewish or Seventh-Day Adventist.  I wonder how they decide what to display? I think that they have to pick up on one word and then advertise in conjunction with it.  Hmmm.

In other news, I have a social life! Last night I went out with friends.  Taylor, Evie and Wendy and I went to perkins at 11:45 p.m.  It was a fun time but the one thing it made me painfully aware of is that I am not married. They are all married and at one point in time were all talking about their husbands and their mood swings (or lack thereof).  It was very educational but it is certainly a different world.

On the fundraising front, I have one appointment tonight.  This is my first appointment in three days- halleluyah.  It occured to me today that at the end of this week I will have one more week of fundraising left before I am "supposed" to be funded. Eeek!  I started to worry today.  I read the word and am trusting it to God.  He is able and if he wants it to happen then it will.

 

I want to be witty

Hmm,  I really want to be witty.  But I am really unsure how.  I could tell you about my weekend but you may get bored, drool on your keyboard during the nap and be mad at me for wasting your time.  Lets see, I could tell you about making fundraising calls tonight but then again that may induce more drool.

Well, instead I will just tell you how I am. I am doing alright, I went to Lincoln this weekend. I had two desserts with about 4 couples/singles each and then I made calls both Saturday (yipee) and Sunday evenings.  As of today I am at 55%.  Woo hoo! I officially have less to raise than I already have. Halleluyah.

Today I was thinking about how important it is to have my focus when I talk to potential donors be on loving them and showing them Christ. I am related (by Christs blood) to most of the people I am calling.  I want to bless them and focus more on loving them than on having them meet my needs.  Although, my need seems overpowering at the time.  So, as a consequence tonights  phone calls were better.

I can't wait to show the same love that I have experienced to students at Kansas State I am getting more and more excited as the day gets closer.  Well, thanks for listening to my unwitty rantings.  I will have to think about this witty thing. I will try to do something for ya soon.);)

On another note, I am curious who reads my blog.  If you read this and you don't think I know you do leave a comment please. :)

The stones will cry out

Alright friends, if you understand the title than yay. If not I may be taking the verse (luke 19:40) grossly out of context.  Either way, I must praise the power of my provider God today.

Today as circumstances would have it, I recieved 15% of my funding in one day! Woo hoo!  That makes... 46%.  I keep trying to rejoice but Satan is right there with me. This is such a spiritual battle. Anyway, Jehovah-jirah deserves all the glory for that number.

Feeling the need

Have you ever had a day when you feel the need to post something, but there is not necessarily a desire to post? Well, today is such a day. 

I guess I can tell you that I went to Lincoln yesterday and I spent the night with the Curtis's. I thought it would be awkward (ya know them being married and all) but it wasn't.  I had two appointments in Lincoln last night and I actually really enjoyed both of them. I also had an appointment this morning  which was followed by a hair appointment. Yes, I finally got this mop that sits on the top of my head trimmed.  It is different. I got bangs cut. Basically, my hair looks like a long version of Cora's hair.

Today was a good fundraising day.  I got about 10% of my budget in the mail.  All at once.  Praise the Lord.  I have been learning two main things lately:
1) My faith is too circumstantial. Every time funding is slow, I think God has forgotten. The opposite is also true.

2)I can only take responsibility for things that are in my control. As strange as that sounds, fundraising has a lot of factors that are outside of my control.    Those things I can't worry about.

Cliches I enjoy

A season of testing is a small price to pay for a clearer view of God.
 
When you want to quit you don't really want to quit. You want to want to quit.
 
 

Home and stuff

Hey friends.  I am home again.  My trip to Lincoln was hard. Very hard.  I stayed with some relatives who do not know Christ and they doubted, questioned and challenged my vision and what God has called me to do.  I got to share the gospel with them though and that was neat.  I have prayed for an opportunity for years.  It is interesting that my opportunity came under these cirumstances.  I decided to come home a couple of days early because I needed to get out of that environment and get perspective.
 
I did have some fun in Lincoln too. I hung out with Rachael on Thursday night and we had good conversation and Sonya was in town the whole weekend too.  I hung with her on both Friday and Saturday night.   It was so good to see friends.   It made this EDGE thing so much more real though. I am moving away. I graduated from College.  Life is going to change quickly and probably not ever be the same again.  I hate that about this life, but again it reminds me that the only secure thing I have is Christ.  I need to cling to him and seek to know Him better through every stage of life's journeys.
 
For those of you hungry for a fundraising update... I am at 31%.  I have 3 weeks left of fundraising.
 
Well, that is about all I know. Thanks to everyone who answered my question a couple of days ago.  Interesting perspective.  I rarely think of modesty as an internal thing. Something to ponder.
 
 
 

I will be out of the City for a while

Well friends,

Tommorrow bright and early in the a.m. I plan to depart for Lincoln and do fundraising appointments down there. It is a very strange feeling. I almost feel like I am taking time off fundraising to go to Lincoln (so not true) but weird. I have gotten into a groove in Omaha so calling Lincoln people is a whole different game. The biggest problem I have had with Lincoln friends is not being able to get a hold of them. So, you can defintely pray for that. I called for 45 minutes tonight and talked to two people: one of which doesn't live in Lincoln.

Well, all in all I am fighting apathy, laziness, fear and despair over this process. So plese pray for that too.

So I will be gone for at least the rest of the week. Maybe longer. I'll write when I get back.:)

Question

Alright, I was thinking about something today. So, men in particular I need your advice.

Is it immodest to wear a spaghetti strapped dress to a non-formal function?

I would really appreciate your input in the comments section. I don't necessarily need to know who you are. You can post as anonymous, just let me know whether you are a guy or a girl. Thanks!

the sabboth and a strange opportunity

Alright, thank you to everyone who has rushed in when my strength had rushed out. You are all a huge blessing of God and vessels of His. You know who you are. I am blessed beyond what I deserve.

So the sabbath. Today was the sabbath. Monday eh!? Yes sir. Yes maam. God had a great idea and command when he took the seventh day off and asked man to do the same. I didn't fundraise today (well mostly- it was hard!). It was so neat to exercise the freedom that God has given and it was soul refreshing. In some ways I am ready to go fundraise again. It gave me strength and perspective. If nothing else it really helped me realize that my identity is not in being a missionary raising support, but my identity is a child of God who is loved by God and seeking to love God with her life.

And for the strange opportunity, today someone called to ask my brother if he wanted to sit with a football player Ryan Krause while he signs football cards tommorrow for 3 hours. I agreed to do it if my brother wouldn't. I get paid 50 flow. [[[Can you use flow that way?!]]] It is kind of weird. It is through a marketing group that Topps football cards hires. And apparently Topps gives away 1 signed card with each box people buy. So I will go to Ryan's house tommorrow and watch him sign 1500 cards. How exciting! Well, I am not so sure about that. I get flow either way.;)

In other news, my brother got a semi-promotion. He is going to be the commanders driver at Fort Riley. He was one of 5 soldiers interviewed at Ft. Riley and he got it. He is a little disappointed because he won't get to be garrison which is the whole reason he wanted to be an MP but Steve (my stepdad) thinks that he will get promoted faster that way (which means higher pay, etc).

Well I am off to talk to Dad.:)

This is my EDGE class. There are 38 or so of us.

These are all the brave ones who are going back to their own campus or going to a new campus (they are the only one going to their campus in our EDGE class). From L to R: Joni (University of California-Irvine) (She has been growing her hair out her entire life!), Joy M (New York University), Jon C (Penn State), Kathy (California State- Long Beach), Rachel (Campus Leadership Network and is stationed out of the University of Northern Iowa), and Becky (California State- Long Beach- She is not in our EDGE class. She just came for funding school.

This is the fantastic and beautiful Kansas State staff team (minus 2). From left to right: Joel (Him and his wife are the campus directors and only other two staff at Kansas State), Meredith, Ben, and myself. The two who are not pictured are: Joel's wife Jen and Ben the other man on the team.

This is the Univerisity of Tennessee team. L to R: Jon H, Andrea, Rachel and Chad.

This is the NE team. L to R: Emily, Darin (who is not technically doing EDGE anymore), and Jaci. Go Huskers!

This team is going to the University of Arizona. L to R: Hannah, Laurie, Garrett, and Sam.

Kansas State here we come. Meredith and me. Everyone else had left by banquet time.

This is the I-EDGE team. They are going to Sheffield, England. L to R: Mindy, campus trainer and EDGE staffer Christy (not going to England), and Kacie. I know Kacie from SMR. She is also sweet.

This is the University of Massachussetes team (I can't spell MA obviously). From L to R: Steve, Sarah, campus trainer (Dan), Katherine, and John.

This is the Texas Tech team. L to R: Jackie, campus trainers and baby, Samira.

This is a team of two women. They are going to Arizona State. L to R: Liz, campus trainer proxies (2), Emily. Emily lives around Omaha and we chill. She is a huge blessing.

This is the other K-State team: Kent state (It is in Ohio I think). From left to right: Josh, Heidi, campus trainer, Kate and Kenny.

This is the West Texas A & M team. I had never heard of West Texas A & M before. From L to R: Andy, Mitch, campus trainers (2), Christy (my funding prayer partner- she is awesome), and Joy A.

Just when you thought the pictures were getting boring. This is Andy and Jon C wrestling. It was much more entertaining in person.

This is Christy and I. She is my funding prayer warrior and I am hers.

This is taken for all the Nebraska fans out there. Old NE student me and new NE EDGErs.

This is all the ladies in my funding Bible study for EDGE.

Kansas State women. Me and Meredith my teammate.

Laurie and I. She is going from Penn State and is going to the University of Arizona. We were both told before training that we had to meet each other. That is good advice. She is sweet.

These are some of the EDGE 2004 men. Notice Ben C-nuts hair and Darins (who is the second from the right- in the back) teeth. Darin is going on short term staff at NE.

Me and the EDGE ladies at EDGE summit. From left to right: Emily (going to NE), Heidi, Kate, Katherine, Jaci (going to NE), and me.

Discouraged and doubting

I am so discouraged today. I am tired, emotional, and just plain discouraged. It seems I am getting to the bottom of my lists for face to face appointments. I really wanted to have 10 a week and feel like I am working as hard at fundraising as I know how. But I am running out of friendly people to call.

I cut my plans tonight short so that I could get home and make phone calls. You see as of today I didn't have any Lincoln appointments planned and I am going to Lincoln Wed-Sun/ Monday of next week. It seems a lot of people I have called are unable to support me or are not home or don't know who I am. It is so sad to me that I have gone to Trinity (my church in Lincoln) for four years and still know very few people. I have tried to be involved to varying degrees the entire time I have been there but the further I got involved in Navs the less involved I was able to be at Trinity. So I have lost contact over the years. I don't know what was so hard for me tonight. What was missing I think was that inerrant support in me. The people I have been calling and visiting in Omaha know me and really believe in me and it felt like the people I called tonight thought of me as just another missionary from their church asking them for money they dont have. And actually the thing I was asked the most tonight was, oh yeah we got your letter did you just get back from somewhere?

Ick! There is SO far to go. SO much money that still has to come in and so little time (4 weeks). I am so thankful for all that have supported me but I can't help but wonder if their support is misplaced and that God will not supply and I will have to admit in shame that I shouldn't be in full time ministry which is one of my life dreams come true.

Well, those are my rantings for the evening. If you can see what to pray for in there please do.:)

The day of phone calls

I have had a fantastic day. Fantastic... Absolutely! I talked to Rachael, Tracy and a lot of other people. It was fun to catch up with people and to have some unfundraising related phone calls.

Two thoughts for the day:
1) Talking to people all day is TIRING. My parents would be shocked at this? Jenny, tired of the phone?! Wow!

2) Fundraising is a very alienating process. It seems that very few people really understand (even peers). It can be really easy to tell people to trust God from the outside but from the inside it is a little more complicated than that. Does that make sense? Or do you think I am just making excuses?

Anyway, I am a very blessed girl however you look at it. I have good friends, a good support system and 22% of my funds! Woo hoo!

I am off to eat dinner and go to a fundraising appointment. What a great Saturday night activity!

Finally organized my room and other fun life facts

So, this post will be rather dull: FYI. Your life just can't be exciting all the time.

Last night, I had a very good meeting with my friends parents and their daughter. It was a very encouraging and challenging time for me (and the daughter and the parents are both going to support me) so that is always nice too. I am running into some weird road bumps with funding. My church in Lincoln can't do any financial support because of recent church funding problems but they are willing to host a lunch and a dessert for me and invite different groups of people to both of them, but that leaves me perplexed. Almost all the people I was planning on meeting with face to face in Lincoln are members of my church. So what is a girl to do? Face to faces are supposed to be more productive and personal but then there is this dessert idea. So that has me stumped. And scheduling has been a little frustrating in Omaha recently. There is one couple in particular that I have probably called 10 times since this process started and have never gotten a hold of them. And I am starting to feel like a stalker.

As for the title of this post, I finally organized my room. Ever since I have moved home, things have been accumulating in their own little corners of my room. So, last night I boxed some stuff and took it downstairs. Today I am going to find a dresser and organize my clothes. If you have never tried, life is frustrating without a dresser. It felt so good to get up to a clean room this morning. Ahh, the simple joys in life.

Well, talking about organizing my room makes me want to go be productive.

This is a picture of all the EDGE 2004 women on women's night. We are sure cute aren't we.:)Cal, thanks for the lesson on how to get this saved as a JPEG... good trick!

Scary picture and more funding news- yay

I was just looking at my profile picture and I think it is kind of scary. So sorry. On the picture note. I have a picture of the EDGE women that I want to post online, but I can't because everytime I try to save it, it saves as a bitmap image and hello (the program I use to post pictures on this beautiful specimin of a website) will only let me post jpeg images. Help!? I have SO many techie friends someone has to know how to get around this. Any advice would be appreciated and welcomed and likely uncompensated.

Anways, today was a very very good day. I met with a couple from my church in Omaha tonight and they gave 500 one time and pledged 50 a month. That is the most generous (from a strict monetary standpoint) that anyone has been. I just about cried at their kitchen table. Both couples I met with today are grandparents and prayed with me before I left. It was SO awesome. I got teary during each of the visits. This is the beautiful side of fundraising, you get to spend time with people sharing your heart and encouraging them and they encourage back.

I am starting to get into the swing of fundraising. Phone calls are not as scary nor is the drive to my face to face appointments. The two things that changed that was: 1)realizing that Jesus was actually with me whenever I do anything and
2)realizing that people are going to say no. I will have to hear nos in order to get yeses. (Is that how you spell that?)

So the day was encouraging. I talked to Jill last night and she helped me too. She reminded me that my math is NOT God's math. My math says that if I don't get 20% of my funding a week then I will not be funded on time. God doesn't necessarily work that way. He is in control.

Well, again I do not know much other than fundraising. I am going to work on knowing something else.:)

I'm home

Happy 4th of July everyone!

We got home today after a fun trip to South Dakota. I may never say this again but I really ENJOYED the small town, country feeling of SD. It was peaceful and it really felt like a vacation. It also allowed my heart to settle down a little bit. It has been an emotional week.

We had slight vehicular problems on the way home. We pull off at a gas station about 50 miles out of Sioux City (I think that is what it is called- it is the city that touches IA, NE and SD) and my Dad and Mom were convinced that the water pump is going out in the vehicle. Hmm, we are still at least 3 hours out of Omaha. Slight problem. So what is a girl to do? I started praying. God got us home safely without any altracations. Which was pretty awesome.

In other news, I had a fun time at the family reunion this weekend. There were very few people there my age but that was alright. I got to share with my family about EDGE and that was really encouraging. They were very supportive and excited for me. They will probably remain supportive as long as I don't make a career out of the missionary thing. Well, that we will see about.

Anyways, I don't know too much. I was reading in Mark 3 - 6ish today about Jesus and I guess I just want to say that I know an AWESOME God. I was completely fascinated by Jesus and how he had compassion on people, healed them and really met their needs. He IS God and he takes the time to drive out demons and heal people of deformities they have had their entire lives. So, I was touched by his compassion. Beyond that, I was also intrigued by his response to a man that he drove a legion of demons out of. The man tried to follow Jesus where he was going and Jesus told him instead to go home and tell his village what had happenned to him. That challenged me because so often I would rather just be with Jesus (ie. by myself with my Bible and God) than go out and tell about what he has done for me.

All of my rantings reminded me at EDGE summit, Darin Lindbloom said that he has known people (he was specifically referring to non-believers) to not be attracted to Christianity but he has never known people to not be attracted to Jesus. Ponder that, I think he is right.

I want to close with a quote on faith that inspired me today it goes:
"Faith is stepping out so far that God has to do a miracle to keep you from falling." Dr. Ian Thomas
One word comes to mind with this quote... I'll give you one guess.;)

Something besides fundraising

I would really like to post about something other than fundraising, so here goes:
(I will have you know that it took me a good 2 minutes to think of something not fundraising related)

I am going out of town this weekend. I am going to the thriving metropolis of Hitchcock, South Dakota (I think). My stepdad's family is having a family reunion. Which most people enjoy or at least are comfortable at, but the problem here is "family reunions" are the times when I meet a bunch of people I am related to but have never met. So that is kind of odd for me. Oh well. It should be fun. (Here comes fundraising again) It will be interesting to see if I decide to approach them about fundraising or not.:)

Update

As of today I am at 9.9% of my budget for the fall.:)